So I know my husband will think this is silly that I'm putting this on my blog, but i really think people need to understand the effects of bullying. So back in my high school days... eleventh grade to be exact, i had a boyfriend that my parents did not want me to see; and when i say they didn't want me to see him, i mean that i was absolutely forbidden to ever be with him. So like the rebellious teenager i was, i saw him anyway. I thought i was "in love" and we dated for quite a while. When we finally broke up, i realized that our relationship had been extremely abusive. He had me completely convinced that i was fat and ugly. It crushed me.
So when i started into my senior year, i went back to the high school after i had dropped out in eleventh. I was petrified to go back to my school. I didn't think i had a friend in the world. And i was almost right. For the first part of the year i tagged along with my two younger cousins. It was nice to know that someone cared for me. Except one of the cousins saw that i was insecure and she used that against me. She took the advantage to bully me back after i had bullied her when we were younger. It definitely stung a little.
My cousins went off with their own groups after a while. Leaving me all alone at lunch. I always sat by myself in the upstairs hallway of our school during lunch; or out in my car. It was definitely not the highlight of my life. Then one of my new friends in my English class decided that i needed to date again, so she started to find boys for me. I started to date a guy that was a couple years older than me. He was extremely nice. We had been on a few dates and then we had our first kiss and it was really sweet. Except after that date i never heard from him again. And i really didn't understand why. But then one of my really good friends called me and told me that she had been over at his house and him and his friends had heard a rumor about me that definitely shed me in a bad light. And the only one that could have started the rumor was my ex boyfriend that i was forbidden to see. The boys had made this rumor into a crude joke that destroyed my life.
The sad part is that this didn't only happen to one of my relationships, but to two of them. Two of the guys i dated had caught wind of the rumor and decided that it was true and left me. I was completely heart broken. There was also an occasion that i decided to email my ex and i told him that he could have done so much better with his life. I had no intentions of getting an email back from him, but i got an email back from his new girlfriend at the time.... lets just say that didn't end well... it also made me 100% positive that he was the one spreading the rumor because she threw it in my face as an insult.
The point to this long drawn out story is that i was going through my emails the other day and found the email from my ex's girlfriend and it brought back a lot of hurtful feelings. I've always put on a strong poker face, but the truth is that that rumor hurt me extremely bad. Actually not only that, but the fact that he made me feel so insecure than started the rumor. Bullying is extremely hurtful and i wish that kids would get a clue and not do it. I still to this day am haunted by it. My high school years were probably the worst years of my life and it shouldn't have been that way. The things that were said about me definitely cut deep and they still sting. I know all of this just sounds like silly high school drama, but it wasn't to me... it was my life, and i wish i could have changed all of it. But i guess its molded me into the person that i am today and for that I'm thankful. And i know one thing for sure.... I Am a Better Person than THEM!!!!!